ATTACHMENT: SELF-DECEPTION OR REALITY?
BY ALINA TYULYAKOVA | DECEMBER 28, 2019
We often cannot explain to ourselves why we feel a sense of lack of some person. This sometimes even leads to mental torment. I decided to investigate this concept a little and try to define it.
Sooner or later, a person realizes that he/she has a sense of affection or attachment for certain people. For some more, for some less. What is this attachment? Can we distinguish it from real feelings? Is it possible to «cure» it? There are no clear answers to these questions, because each person answers them in his own way.
I decided to find out from my friends, acquaintances, and parents, what, in their opinion, does affection mean and whether it exists at all. The older generation characterizes attachment as “a feeling of captivity by a man.» “A real attachment to a person is felt when you start to miss a person after 5 minutes of separation from him/her,” — this is what my conversation with people who already have experience gained over the years came to.
Most of my peers, perhaps to your surprise, believe that attachment is a self-suggestion that people came up with to justify their sorrows caused by the loss of a person.
Opinions vary greatly, but each person still decides for himself what he is experiencing: a feeling of self-pity or a strong connection with the person.
I believe that most often we deceive ourselves about the presence of this feeling. I want to share with you one technique that often helps me distinguish real feelings from false ones. Close your eyes, try to recall good and bad moments with this person for a minute. Then write a letter to this person and hide it for a week in the farthest drawer of your closet. After the time has passed, re-read the letter and ask yourself the question «Am I ready to send this letter?» The answer to it will be your impetus for reflection.
I hope I was able to help you understand at least a small part of this large and «unknown» concept.